Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
