he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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