Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
