i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
