i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
