The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize