this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize