I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
