the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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