My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
