Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He felt like a one man threesome
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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