you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
