i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
