R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
