drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
