New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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