i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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