it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
