I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
