Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've blown a few things in my day
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
