I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
