I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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