3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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