he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
