I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
