plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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