Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
