i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
