i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
