youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
