I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
