Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
