I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it's like heaven, but drunker
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
