Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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