his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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