I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no, he came in my armpit
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
