The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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