how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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