I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
