i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
