Your tits are I can't wait for
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
