He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
