The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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