Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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