It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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