he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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