I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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