a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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