i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
