I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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