I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
