i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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