I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
