Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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