kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
