She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
