The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
