last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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