she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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