I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
