consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
