you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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