No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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