Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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