I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
