You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
