He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
