If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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