Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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