im gay
i know
yea but for you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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