my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
where are my eyebrows?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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