Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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