He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
