just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
