Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
