I wish i was in the wii world.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize