Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
