The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
