We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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