i may or may not be watching the land before time
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
