I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
