I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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