so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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