I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
