I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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