I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
