This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
