Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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