this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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