Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
