Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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