i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
