I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
