my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
