She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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